Apple’s 5 Strangest Failures

     Apple’s list of world changing products is legendary, and so is Apple’s strangest failures.  You can’t go five feet without running into someone with an iPhone, talking to Siri or flipping through Instagram.   Before that, Apple made listening to music on an iPod a social necessity, and the best way to fill it up was to buy music from Apple’s iTunes online store.  Long before Apple put the letter ‘i’ before everything, the company shook up the computer world with its personal computers.  It is a trend the company continues today through its laptops and tablets.
The company that Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak created has also had its share of failures.  The reason behind why many of these products, like the Apple Lisa PC which cost $10,000 in 1983 or the 20th Anniversary Macintosh, which cost $7,000, were undone by their hefty price tags.  Others, like the Apple Pippin gaming system were just ignored by the public because they didn’t fit into Apple’s perceived strengths.
Those are the failures everyone knows about, but we here at HeeHee News have received exclusive information about five failed Apple ideas that never got to the Apple Store.  Everyone knows Apple started as a computer company, but after the Apple I and Apple II became hits, Steve Wozniak’s Uncle Jim approached him with an idea to revolutionize the portable music industry.  Jim Wozniak was a big believer in 8 Track technology, and wanted his nephew to create a device that would make it possible to walk around listening to his tape possible.
The result was the Tapeworm, which you could wear like a belt.  The Tapeworm included a slot for the 8 track tape, a power pack that held 6 D batteries, and 34 inches of track for the tape to run along.  Initial testing went well, until someone asked the question, “what if your waist is bigger or smaller than 34 inches?”  Research was quickly done to see if it would be cost effective to make the Tapeworm in different sizes, but by that time, Uncle Jim had discovered cassette tapes, and told Steve nevermind.  The total cost of the project?  $5 million.
Apple has always tried to develop products that make your life better, but sometimes the names it comes up with can be self-defeating.  After releasing the iPad in 2010, Apple looked for several things for the iPad to control through wifi.  One option that quickly gained traction was a vacuum, but no one at Apple wanted to make one.  So they decided to create a device that could be placed on all vacuums, making them wifi controllable.  The development team decided to call the device, iSuck when they presented it to Steve Jobs.  Rumor has it that Jobs personally slapped every member of the team in the face and through the iSuck into a nearby trashcan.
Today, most of us use the iCloud to store music, videos, even multiple versions of Angry Birds.  Apple planned to follow it up with iSpace, but it turned out to be a little too powerful for everyday use.  Young Apple engineer Monty Scott came up with the idea to develop technology allowing people to digitize household items and store them on the internet.  At first, Scott was laughed at by the rest of the engineers at Apple.  Then he successfully digitized an office chair and placed it on his facebook page.  Everyone at Apple became very excited by iSpace after that, but it was short lived.  The next day, Monty Scott disappeared, along with everything on his work desk and in his apartment.  There are reports that Steve jobs received a visit from several men in black suits that same day.  They had two simple messages:  do not look for Monty Scott and do not try to replicate his research.
     Before there was Siri, the only reason to talk to your phone was to curse it out for dropping a call.  Apple’s success with Siri, and the popularity of the feature film, Her,  had developers looking for new ways to expand the technology.  Along came software developer Alan Dinn, who created Geani.  Geani could answer any question, much like Siri, but it also included the iWish function.  This ingenious idea proved to be the program and Dinn’s downfall.  He left the application open one night while having an argument with his girlfriend, Jasmine.  In a moment of frustration, he muttered, “I wish I was dead!”  After his funeral, the leaders of Apple had his computer and notes destroyed.
The fifth failed Apple idea seems brilliant at first, but the more you think about it, you understand why it was shelved.  Legend has it that Steve Jobs had the idea the first time he heard the term, bluetooth.  That got him thinking about creating a phone from a fake tooth that could be surgically implanted in your mouth.  He called it iTooth.  He sent the idea to R&D, and they hit the ground running.  The first idea was to build the iTooth in the shape of the upper canine tooth.  Once that was completed, they discovered the power supply would have to be placed in another tooth.  Then they discovered that to add storage for music or emails, another tooth would be needed.  By the end of the iTooth development, it was more like iTeeth, and took up a full set of upper and lower teeth.  With the price of teeth removal and denture fitting, the final cost for iTeeth was north of $20,000, effectively killing the project.